Do you ever feel like you spend more time correcting your kids behavior than you do having fun with them? Do you ever find your “kind requests” (read: friendly reminders about chores, etc) have become frustrated interactions?
Or do you ever just feel like you have spent the day nagging everyone? I do.
It’s so easy to fall into the trap of reminding and asking and requesting and, well, demanding that little people stay focused or on time that we can go through a whole day without recognizing any of the things they (or we, frankly) did well. Or tried something new. Or failed miserably and tried again anyways.
The best thing I’ve found to counteract this is the “Marble Jars”.
All you need is:
- One jar for each family member (plastic if your kids are small)
- A lot of marbles
- Something to label with (or stickers, or whatever)
- A piece of paper and a pen/pencil
Label each jar with a family member’s name. Put all the marbles in a big bowl, or a bag, or a vase – somewhere easy to access.
Brainstorm ideas that would be considered “more than a treat” type of rewards. Try to keep them things that you can do together or are very special (not food or time on the computer, for example).
Some things we have used in the past:
- A trip to a favorite place (museum, park, etc)
- Dinner to a favorite restaurant (yes, I know I said not food related, but we’re talking about a nice dinner – TOGETHER – with conversation and stuff!)
- A special book (an expensive one you might not normally buy)
- A vacation from chores (2-3 days)
- Attending a special event together (play, movie, etc)
- A special outing with friends (roller skating, ice skating, sports park)
- Sometimes we have used gift certificates
Okay..you get the idea.
Then, every day or so, have everyone stop and share something that they thought each person did “right”, or better, or worked hard at. You can share more than one thing. You can give one marble or many marbles if it was something particularly awesome.
This is a great thing to do during dinner. It seems to turn on something in everyone’s brain that keeps them looking for the positive stuff – so then they notice it more, and they TRY to get noticed more, and magically, the atmosphere just becomes more positive.
Just having the jars around is a reminder to look for something positive about each other. Oh, yeah, it’s called “positive reinforcement” for those who need a science-y explanation.
When someone gets a full jar they get to pick a reward off the list. Then empty the jar and they start over.
That’s it! It works with toddlers and teenagers! Try it for yourself and see what happens!
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